Because I've always been good at lists....

.. I use them to remember who I am.

I’m not quite sure who I am anymore. I’ve lost a lot of myself; stretched like thin canvas over too much frame. I’m picking up the puzzle pieces, but not all of them fit, and so I’m doing what feels natural to do – make a list. I’ll try to be as honest as I can.

1.I am calm in emergency situations.
2.I am nostalgic and cherish good memories.
3.I am a hopeless romantic in every sense of the cliché.
4.I never finish anything I start, but I always hope and want to.
5.I get my emotions and frustrations out through writing. Sometimes it’s the only way I can.
6. With enough time and patience, I am able to talk through any problem with someone who understands me.
7. I don’t respond well to violence. Something as simple as an unexpected punch can reduce me to tears.
8. I am overly emotional. I cry at anything that evokes a strong enough emotion, be it anger, passion, love, sadness, or joy.
9.I love music. I love making it (on the piano or singing) and listening to it. There are very few types of music I don’t like.
10.I’m deathly afraid of being ordinary or boring.
11.I like trying new things, but I’m always afraid I’ll be bad at them.
12.I believe I’m beautiful, but I’m ashamed of the weight I am at.
13.I truly want to lose weight, but I feel like the time and effort I put into it will take away time that could be spent with Chris.
14.I love creative, calm activities. Painting, sculpting, scrapbooking, writing in my diary, sketching.
15.I like girly things- painting my nails, going to the spa, doing my makeup and hair, masks and facials.
16.I daydream constantly. Mostly about being more adventurous than I currently am.
17.I’m a natural procrastinator.
18.I like being social, and I like when people like being around me. It bothers me when people who barely know me don’t like me.
19.I miss my grandpa every day. He was the only member of my family I feel I resemble in personality, and the glue that held my family together. I think my life would have been happier if he was still here.
20.I love reading. As long as the plot is captivating and there isn’t too much useless fluff (the Hobbit for example) I’ll read almost anything.
21.I like doing well in school. When I’m succeeding in school a lot of the rest of my life falls into place- I think it’s where I find pride in myself.
22.I am meant to be with Chris no matter how different we are. I know it somewhere so deep it took me a long time to realize it.
23.I like being productive. If I’ve spent an entire day playing games or watching TV I get a little depressed. Even if all I do is organize a drawer or do the dishes I feel better.
24.Being independent is one of my greatest wants. When I can earn enough money to support myself fully it will be a wonderful thing.
25.If I could choose any profession in the world and mold myself to it, I would be a dancer.
26.Most of the time I am mildly depressed. It takes more than just waking up to improve my mood. It would be much easier to be angry or apathetic all day.
27.I get angry when I trust people and they let me down, or are hypocritical.
28.I used to become centered and at peace when I spent time alone, now I just become depressed and frustrated. I wish I could get back to the former.
29.I don’t mind when people underestimate me, but everyone seems to overestimate me, and it only makes me feel like a failure.
30.I am a sore loser. I don’t know why.